lately i have been grouchy.and i have done some seriously deep thinking to figure out why.and the reason i have come up with is:

i dont like it when i dont get my way.

as spoiled and bratty as this sounds i think it kinda is because i really am a lucky girl.

i live at home for free

i get my phone paid for for free

i get my health and car insurance for free

i have a sweet family

a great boyfriend

and i have quite a decent job.

the list really is endless

so i decided to buy myself stuff to feel better

i got new chacos and new skis and well dont feel any better! just way to excited for winter.

what the heck is my problem, yeah i ask myself the same question all the time.

i have a problem with getting comfortable with the same old routine and not moving on.

truth be told i do not want to grow up one bit. i've gotten comfortable with my little break from college and am not very motivated to go back even though it is inevidable.i've gotten comfortable living back at home for free, and not having to do much but work and play.i've gotten comfortable just dating and this is where im having the issues of not getting my way. a part of me wants to get married. yeah i know im 19 but i kinda feel a little bit more mature than my age. but ryan is the best and i really actually like him and i dont get sick of him and i dont get annoyed which is strange for me cuz usually im loose interest in the male specimen after about a week.this is not the case with him, talking to people who know me, there response 8 months aub wow thats a record for sure!!

i really am happy i think i just lack motivation! i dont really want to go back to school and move out and pay money unless im getting married, but im starting to think that is not an option right now. i guess cuz ive heard the phrase " im just not ready" about a thousand times in the last week. that is me not getting my way.

is something wrong with me? or am i just a baby ha ha